


Kenny Omega's Birthday Day

by Bae_Wyatt



Category: Professional Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: Dick Pics, Gen, happy birthday Kenny Omega, someone please help Ganderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-18 22:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12397365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bae_Wyatt/pseuds/Bae_Wyatt
Summary: Kenny's friends throw him a party. It goes okay.Written in honor of Kenny Omega's birthday. I think he's 35.





	Kenny Omega's Birthday Day

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a Ho by a person who has never seen NJPW in their life

 

It was Kenny homegas birthday day and he was having a bi old time surrounded by his pals. They had gone international with invites this year, inviting Kenny’s fellow Canadian KO, Kevin Owens, who was able to help smuggle Gallows and Anderson safely out of the WWE. As thanks, they had booked Elias ~~Samson~~ to play for the party, which was now in full swing. The whole bullet club was invited and enjoying the displays of assorted bullets they had collected over the years. There were round nose flat bottoms, partitions, boat tails, conical flat bottoms, and even button nose semi wad cutter beveled bases. There were also a few nice missiles, but no one paid them much mind. Bullets were much cooler.

“I just love these 7.62X54R full metal jackets!” said Cody, who was definitely not Stardust. “Are they part of your personal collection, Kenny?”

Kenny just grunted at the man deprived of a last name. The displays were simply not doing it for him, not tonight, not when he was so focused on Kota. It was probably a mistake to invite to the party, but Kenny was lying to himself if he still wasn't invested in his former Golden Lover™. There Kota stood, completely ignoring Kenny, not thirsting for what they once had at all! No, the man had instead used his plus one to invite _Tano_. Tangy, tangy Tano. Why was he even here, when there was nothing golden or lovable about him? Kenny was not jealous. He was not.

He didn't need Kota. He could get a new Golden Lover any time he wanted. He could get one right now. And he had just the man in mind.

Kenny whipped out his phone with all the grace of a Mustafa Ali’s reverse 450 splash. It was a beautiful sight, one that attracted his most elite friends, who until that moment had been standing around, simply looking elite, being elite even.

“Who are you texting?” Elite #2 asked. “Aren’t you enjoying the party? Are there not enough bullets?”

Kenny growled bisexually.

“Is this about Kota and Tano?”

“No.”

The Elites sighed. Although Kenny had moved on to bigger and better things since the Golden Lovers had became Not Quite the Golden Haters But Not Really Golden Friends, they could tell their friend was jealous of Kota being able to move on so easily.

“Kenny,” Elite #2 tried, “Just because he has a new boytoy doesn’t mean you have to have one too. You have the Club, and I’m sure plenty of the NJPW alumni would be happy to be with you.”

“Exactly.” Kenny said as his phone lit up. whoever he had been texting had messaged back. Before Kenny could look Elite #1 snatched his phone away, gasping at what he saw on the screen.

“Kenny no!” he cried. “You can’t, I know what a photo like that can do to a man!”

Elite #2 looked over at the phone in horror. “No Kenny, I know you want to get back at Kota, but asking for dick pics? And from Shinsuke Nakumura?”

Sure enough it was Shinsuke Kenny had asked. His inner weeb couldn't help but find attraction in the leather bound lord of the dance. It was taking some convincing, Shinsuke had initially replied “its Shinsuke, not ShinsGAY” but after Kenny revealed his involvement in smuggling Gallows and Anderson out of the WWE, he agreed it was the least he could do to give his thanks for saving the careers of the fallen tag team.

A ping from Kenny’s phone had all three peering down in anticipation. Shinsuke had replied, with an attached image.

“HA!” Kenny shouted triumphantly, taking the phone back from Elite #1. “I knew he’d pull through for me!” With that, he ran over to where Kota and Tano were looking at .30-06 Springfield cartridges together, and thrust the phone in their faces.  


"HA!” he shouted again as they took in dick pic. Tano looked mostly just confused, but Kenny could tell that Kota was a little hurt.

“You see! I don’t need you in my life you soul sucking devil-“ Kenny was cut off by a blood curdling shriek coming from the doorway.

“Vince McMahon!”

Everyone turned and gasped in horror. Cody dropped one of the particularly large bullet vibrators he was appreciating, and several party members moved to shield Gallows and Anderson from view. Vince couldn't take back what he couldn't see.

“I don't want to go back!” Cody cried, but he was very fortunately ignored. Instead Vince was marching over to Kenny Omega himself.

“You’ll never sign me. I’ve seen what you’ve done- hey! Give that back!” he cried as Vince stole his phone and looked in disgust at the screen. He dropped it to the floor and wasted no time stomping down, destroying all evidence of the dick pic.

“No more nude leaks.” He said, turning to leave, having made quick work of his mission.

“Elias ~~Samson~~?” As if the mood in the room couldn't get anymore tense, Vince began looking around suspiciously. “If he’s here…”

“Already found them Dad O’Mac.” Came a high, feminine voice. Stephanie and Shane had snuck into the room while everyone’s attention was on Vince, and both of them had their hands on Gallows and Anderson. The table they had hidden under was no match for Shane’s covert fall from the rafters.

“We don’t want to go back!” Anderson begged. Gallows appeared too frightened to speak. “Please just let us end our contracts, we’ll do anything. We’ll even job to The Ascension if you just release us afterwards!”

“Take them back Children O’Mac.” Vince said, unconcerned with the pleads of the distressed tag team. Nobody moved, there was no helping them now.

“Those poor souls.” Elite #2 said. They looked back to Kenny, who was now dick pic-less. Kota and Tano had taken the attack of the McMahons as a queue to get out fast, before they risked being offered WWE contracts.

“Hey cheer up man, don’t worry about Kota and Tano. You’ll always have the club. Do you want to look at the new centerfire cartridges we bought you? They’re .221 Remington Fireballs.”  


“For me?”

“Anything for one of our most elite weebs.” Said Elite #1 as he led Kenny to the table where his new birthday bullets were.

Kenny smiled as he pulled some of his ramen noodle hair out of his face. He may not have Kota, but he had his bullets, he had his friends, and he even had fans who liked him just because it was cool to like him. It wasn't a golden life, but he could rest knowing he had made Kota a little sad to see him moving on, and that he always had a chance to fight Tano. That made it a golden enough birthday for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birfday Kenny.  
> This work available on VHS.


End file.
